Well, here we are looking at the Top 10 teams in the NFL. As I see them.
10. San Diego Chargers – This year, the Chargers will make the playoffs and Philip Rivers will throw for 11,000 yards. Really.
MGMT – Electric Feel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmZexg8sxyk
9. Baltimore Ravens – Post-season disappointment last year. Like most years. The Ravens always seem on the brink of being really dangerous, only to stagnate offensively in the playoffs. This year…I think the exact same thing is going to happen. They’re too good to go 6-10 and that AFC Wild Card slot will always be there for them. But what they do when they get to the post-season…well…
As their offense continues to develop, I think their defense is actually regressing. Let’s see if that secondary improved or degenerated over the off-season.
These are for you Ray Lewis. You know what a huge fan I am, you alleged murderer you.
Panic! at the Disco – Let’s Kill Tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t0Rb-qvVmo
Hollywood Undead – Mother Murder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kQ_yCjqyyQ
8. Indianapolis Colts – So…Peyton Manning, eh? Like, can’t really move his neck too good. That seems…important. FANTASY UPDATE: You should totally draft Curtis Painter. Like, in the 2nd round of your draft.
The Colts will make the playoffs. Because they always do. Word of warning: remember the Steelers last year. No starting QB for the first four games. Made it to the Superbowl. ‘Nough said. Wait, one more thing. Who the hell is their running back? Joseph Addai? Is that a joke?
One Republic – Marchin’ On
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHvgAJe8bvM
7. New York Jets – Oh, the hype. The hype! Watching Rex Ryan throw his headset onto the field while trying to call a timeout in the pre-season made me wonder the following things:
1. Wow, is he really that unstable?
2. Maybe he lost a bet and this was the wager; ‘If I lose, I’ll go ape-bleep and rush onto the field on national television over something really innocuous and utterly inconsequential.’
3. I still can’t get over the foot-porno thing. I can’t believe that got buried so easily.
The Jets are slightly better than they were last year. But I don’t expect them to return to the AFC Championship game. In the NFL you need to be good AND lucky. They’ve used up a lot of their luck.
Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UjsXo9l6I8
6. Atlanta Falcons – The Falcons are the ‘not so under the radar’ pick to be this years NFC Champs. Peter King of Sports Illustrated has them going to the Superbowl. Which is hard to argue considering they were very good last year and only got better this off-season. The key for the Falcons is defense. Can they hold their opponents to less than 34 points a game. I personally have a weird feeling about Michael Turner. He’s on my list of ‘Players I Think Are Going to Get Hurt But I Can’t Tell You Why.’ If you draft him on your Fantasy team and then he gets hurt, don’t blame me. I’m just the pre-sager. And you know what they say, ‘don’t kill the pre-sager.’ Or is it messenger? Whatever.
Shout-outs to my ATLien peeps:
Outkast – Hey Ya!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWgvGjAhvIw
5. Philadelphia Eagles – My goodness the hype. The hype, the hype, the hype. I really think this says it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKFsuTvnISM. Yeah! Yeah baby! That’s my $100 million QB! My favorite part is definitely the Vick -> Polamalu tackle. Exactly what you want to see in the preseason; the ex-convict your just bet the farm on, throwing himself headfirst at the Defensive Player of the Year. Just the way they drew it up.
I can’t deny though, that the Eagles are stacked. And therefore, dangerous. If their defense locks in and performs to it’s potential, they’re going to be a handful to say the least.
This one’s for Mikey Vick: Florence and the Machine – Dog Days Are Over
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWOyfLBYtuU
4. New Orleans Saints – There’s a lot of speculation about what this year will hold for the Saints. Last season was an unsurprising Post-Superbowl season. The team performed much less efficiently and seemed rest on their talent to get them into the playoffs where they proceeded to lose a game they were favored to win by two scores. THEY LOST TO THE SEAHAWKS! The Seahawks. 7-9. This year the Saints will have some of that swagger back and the explosive offense will be back firing on all/most cylinders. The addition of Mark Ingram should not be underestimated.
Katy Perry – Firework
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw
That was a joke.
Here we go:
Fall Out Boy – This Ain’t a Scene, It’s An Arms Race
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNm5drtAQXs
3. New England Patriots – The Patriots have given us a roller coaster preseason (ok, yes, I admit it, I’ve been watching). Their first two games made you think, ‘yikes, these guys are scary good and goin into beast mode.’ Then last week against the Lions they looked like a practice squad. Now…I’m not gonna get tooooooo bent outta shape about that. But really, they looked terrible against the Lions. Tom Brady and the Pats were rattled and legitimately couldn’t get things rolling. The Lions were in their head. In the preseason. That was a little weird.
Got two tracks for the Pats one is this effing amazing rendition of the national anthem, because it is just seriously awesome:
Acoustix – The Star Spangled Banner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AtSlwjqvK4&feature=related:
And this one’s for Tom (Playboy of the Eastern World (this is a John M. Synge joke, funny right? It’s ok if you don’t ever wanna read one of my columns again…)) Brady :
Cobra Starship – Good Girls Go Bad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix5z1bRz4Sc
2. Pittsburgh Steelers – I know! Crazy right!?!? It’s like I’m some kind of crazy person writing a crazy column. I put the defending NFC and AFC champs in the top two slots, I’M INSANE! 4realz though; the Steelers offense will continue to develop into the more explosive unit we saw at the end of last season. As much as I dislike Ben Roethlisberger (Rapelisberger), he threw for 3200 yards and 17 TDs last season. In 12 games…
Side note, if you enjoy statistical anomalies and like to say things like, ‘Look! ‘So and so’ did way better during season ‘x,’ I bet he was on steroids!’ take a peek at the number of TDs Big Ben had in 2007.
http://espn.go.com/nfl/player/stats/_/id/5536/ben-roethlisberger
32! That’s 12 more than his career average of 20. I bet he was on steroids…
My song for the Steelers covers the outcome of Super Bowl XLV and my personal feelings regarding Ben Roethlisberger:
Beck – Loser
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgSPaXgAdzE
And I guess we can’t NOT use this track:
Wiz Khalifa – Black And Yellow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UePtoxDhJSw
1. Green Bay Packers – Crazy right? Putting the Super Bowl champs in the No. 1 slot. Quite the risky decision. In all seriousness though, this years Packer team for all intents and purposes should be significantly better than last year’s. Last year the Packers went on a winning tear and won the Super Bowl with dozen guys on the IR and a 6th round rookie at running back (James Starks) whose first NFL touchdown came in the NFC Championship game. Jermichael Finley is back. They’ve added even more depth at WR and we can trust Dom Capers to keep bringin the heat.
Queen – We are the Champions (Don’t mind the white daisy dukes. Or the Heineken. Or the moustache. There are so many things going on in this video…)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdCrZfTkG1c
But I’m also gonna add in a side order of this:
Disturbed – Indestructible
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWxBrI0g1kE
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