2010 NFL Popularity Contest: SUPERBOWL EDITION

Jurassic Paque’s infamous Popularity Contest is back! Just in time!

Ok. Considering there’s only one game remaining on this year’s NFL schedule and in that game only two teams can play, “just in time” might be a bit of an exaggeration.

Regardless. I’m back to rank the remaining to two teams.

Before we do so, let’s take a brief stroll around the league and hear what people are saying.

Re: NFL’s CBA (Collective Bargaining Agreement) negotiations:

INTERIOR. DAY

@A_Cromartie31 sits in a press room speaking to reporters.

“…You don’t get no information about nothing from the union or the owners…So to tell you the truth they need to get their damn minds together and get this [expletive] done. Stop bitching about money. Money ain’t nothing. Money can be here and gone. Us players, we want to go out and play football. It’s something we’ve been doing and we love it and enjoy it. It’s our livelihood.”

INTERIOR. DAY

@Hasselbeck sits in a mansion and types on his smartphone (not to be confused with my patented “dumbphone”).

“Somebody ask Cromartie if he knows what CBA stands for.”

INTERIOR. DAY

@A_Cromartie31 sits in his luxurious, palatial home with a smartphone He types.

“@Hasselbeck hey Matt if u have something to then say it be a man about it.

Don’t erase it. I will smash ur face”

End of scene.

AWESOME! That is quality entertainment. How dare Matt Hasselbeck question Cromartie’s intelligence in a witty fashion? For more Cromartie highlights click here:
http://pmsports.com/videos/Jets-Antonio-Cromartie-NFL-Baby-Daddy-Football

In other news. Due to the Jay Cutler injury fiasco, this internet bizarrity was uncovered:

1. Go to Google.com
2. Click on “Images” to search for images.
3. Type in “Jay Cutler.”
4. Enjoy.

Moving on.

I tweeted this earlier but, all of the NFC’s Pro Bowl quarterbacks were eliminated in their first playoff game. That makes sense…

And for those of you that read my ‘Legacy’ column, we are once again in a situation where success appears to have handed someone a ‘get out of jail free’ card. Almost literally. To whom am I referring? Why, the one and only BEN RAPELISBURGER! I can never spell his name right. And I’m too lazy to google it. People are heaping praise on Big (Alleged Sex Offender) Ben for his gutsy play and clutch QB performance. That’s all well and good. He’ll get his pay-checks. But does that mean we have to root for him? Sometimes I like to let the information speak for itself:

The woman Big (Alleged Sex Offender) Ben was accused of raping was examined and her report noted a “superficial laceration and bruising and slight bleeding in the genital area.” It couldn’t be determined if trauma or sexual assault was the cause. A rape kit was collected but the amount of male DNA found was insufficient to determine if the woman had been assaulted. The report also quoted the alleged victim saying, “A boy kind of raped me.”

The woman alleged that Roethlisberger (I googled it) got her to do several shots before one of his bodyguards brought her down hallway and left. Here, Roethlisberger allegedly exposed himself and despite her protests, he followed her into a bathroom. When she tried to leave, she states that Roethlisberger had sex with her. It is also alleged that friends of the woman attempted to step in out of concern, but one of Roethlisberger’s bodyguards said he did not know what they were talking about. That same bodyguard later claimed to “have no memory” of meeting the woman.

Here’s a cute little nugget of info: Roethlisberger hired lawyer Ed Garland, who defended Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis in his murder trial. As heard of in Jurassic Paque’s famous ‘Legacy’ column!

All of that info is available right on Big Ben’s wiki. Read it for yourself:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Roethlisberger#Sexual_assault_allegations

There’s other great little tidbits on there like his alleged sexual assault in Lake Tahoe! But let’s save something for the next column, right?

What do you think is an easier way to pick up chicks? Wearing a Vick jersey, wearing a t-shirt that says “I Have an STD” or wearing a Ben Roethlisberger jersey?

Ok. Good times. Onto the popularity contest.

1. THE GREEN BAY PACKERS – This team is hot. They have overcome extreme adversity and battled to put themselves in position to win it all. The stats out there on this team is already the stuff of legend: Their improbable entry into the playoffs. Their ability to overcome injury after injury to starters, pro-bowlers and rising stars. Their uber-competitive nature. All of this wound into a ball of team-oriented play and uncanny dedication is what brought this six-seed out of the NFC North into the big dance, Super Bowl XLV. The Green Bay Packers are the epitome of popular. This is the bandwagon, all are welcome.

2. THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS – This team is solid. There is no doubt that this team deserves to be in the Super Bowl. They’ve also played in the face of adversity, albeit less than the aforementioned Packers. There are well documented concerns about their offensive line, and in a game with teams this evenly matched, that crack in the surface may be all it takes to bring down the steel curtain. The defense will make plays. The offense will make plays. But the Steelers will have to focus on keeping Big Ben upright for four quarters.

To be perfectly honest, the Steelers never had a chance to be first in this Popularity Contest. Because it’s pretty much impossible for an alleged rapist to be popular.

Photo courtesy CBS-2 New York