Too many teams. Too little time. Let’s do this.
1. Indianapolis Colts – Another Peyton Manning clinic. Can you imagine if their running game progressed from “functional” to “effective?” That’d be scary.
2. New Orleans Saints – One shanked kick away from 3-0. Kicker issues aren’t indicative of larger team issues. How much slack can you cut a guy that performed well last year in the playoffs? Not much I guess…
3. Green Bay Packers – The Bears won’t actually be credited with a win for Monday night’s game. Instead the Packers will be given two loses.
4. New York Jets – Solid win against a solid division rival. Can the ‘Sanchise’ continue performing like a Pro-Bowl caliber QB? My guess is…no. Can Braylon Edwards stay sober? My guess is… no.
5. Houston Texans – 1 game into my 0-4 bender. A “nicked up” Andre Jordan might keep the air game grounded. Make me proud Texans. 0-4 bender! 0-4 bender!
6. Baltimore Ravens – An injured Ray Rice against the Steeler D? Not a great combo. Odds of Boldin exploding for 4 trillion fantasy points again this week? Not good. Odds of Chaz Batch throwing 3 TDs again? Also not good.
7. Atlanta Falcons – Good enough to kind-of beat the reigning Super Bowl champs. Where does that put them? As the 7th most popular team on my list!
8. Chicago Bears – Jay Cutler! What growth! What leadership! A clear MVP candidate! Can you taste the sarcasm?
9. New England Patriots – Tough match-up this week. We’re still waiting to see what this Patriots team is really made of. A strong outing against the ‘Fins would go a long way in re-establishing the Pats as a force in the AFC and notch an important divisional win.
10. Dallas Cowboys – The boys are back in town! Again. Can you taste the sarcasm?
11. Pittsburgh Steelers – Are we really gonna shower the Steelers with praise…for beating the Buccaneers? The Steelers shot up people’s lists this week. They beat Tampa Bay, a team that had no right being 2-0 in the first place. AND! Did you see those Charlie Batch passes? If a Tampa Bay DB (defensive back, not douche bag) even looks toward the QB, those are interceptions.
12. San Diego Chargers – I have to agree with other analysts on this one. It appears that the Chargers aren’tt really trying to win their games until their trailing in the 3rd or 4th quarter. But hey, Phil Rivers sure does put up some great fantasy numbers!
13. Miami Dolphins – The ‘Fins are a couple puzzle pieces away from being a serious threat. And at least one sandwich short of a picnic.
14. Minnesota Vikings – Umm…probably a good time to have your bye week. That was the least climactic drubbing of the Lions I’ve ever seen. The Vikings looked happy to get the win. I foresee trouble for the Purple and Gold.
15. Philadelphia Eagles – No comment.
16. Tennessee Titans – I could have intercepted that pass from Eli Manning. Chris Johnson keeps these guys relevant. But barely.
17. New York Football Giants – I don’t think the Giants are a bad team. But I don’t know why they suck either. Then again…maybe I do… See above link.
18. Kansas City Chiefs – 3-0 baby! Is 3-13 good enough to win their division?
19. Washington Redskins – Who is their running back? Because it’s not Clinton Portis. Oh, Ryan Torain? Yeah, that’s much better.
20. Cincinnati Bengals – Remember what I said about Carson Palmer last week? Yeah? Well, that. Again.
21. Denver Broncos – Kyle Orton, or ‘The Otro’ has thrown for 700 more yards than Vince Young this year. Did I mention we’re only through 3 games?
22. Arizona Cardinals – How did the Cardinals not pick-up Trent Edwards on waivers?
23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I don’t care what their record is. They’re not a good team. And I hate the fact that Pittsburgh is getting put on a pedestal for beating them last week.
24. St. Louis Rams – That won’t be the last Rams upset. You heard it hear first.
25. Jacksonville Jaguars – The Jags being crappy isn’t news. MJD’s in ability to do anything, is. What’s the deal with MJD? I mean really? Seinfeld? Anyone? Not funny? Ok.
26. Oakland Raiders – I’m loving the Gradkowski era already. Except for that missed field goal.
27. San Francisco 49ers – Firing the offensive coordinator three weeks in. I like it. That’s waaaay better than doing it right before the opening of the season. I think the 49ers and Alex Smith are progressing nicely.
28. Detroit Lions – Jahvid Best = Good. Rest of the team = Bad.
29. Seattle Seahawks – Did they just beat the Chargers? How about a round of applause for Petey C. I bet he doesn’t go 8-8 this year but still follows it up with three losing seasons. (read: the last time he was in the NFL)
30. Cleveland Browns – Name three people on this team.
31. Carolina Panthers – Jimmy Clausen looked good against the Ravens. But Matt Moore put this team in such a deep hole, they are never getting out.
32. Buffalo Bills – They lost to the No. 9 team by eight and the No. 3 team by 31.
Leave a Reply