2010 NFL Popularity Contest: Week 6

2010 NFL Popularity Contest WK 6

I like it when there’s very little adjustment in my rankings. It means a team is just about as sucky or good as I thought they were. They are who we thought they were!

On the flipside…

Teams who aren’t who we thought they were:

A. Minnesota Vikings: If anything has doomed their season, it’s the fact that analysts and broadcasters compared Favre’s Monday night game against the Jets, to his games after his father died and when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Are you f*cking kidding me? Is some one suggesting that the fear and embarrassment associated with an alleged affair and sexting scandal is equivalent to the adversity of playing after the loss of one of your parents or the fear of losing your wife? That’s the stupidest sh*t I’ve ever heard and I hope the producers and writers who thought up that angle get fired.

B. Dallas Cowboys: They might become America’s Team of Lovable Losers. I mean, on paper, they look awesome. Too bad they don’t win any games and none of their players live up to their hype. Other than that, they’re in good shape. Oh yeah, and they’re the second most penalized team in the league. Woot.

C. New Orleans Saints: Something is rotten in the state of Louisiana…Is it the more competitive schedule? Is it the absence of Reggie Bush? (It’s not). Is it the hype? The hangover? I don’t know.

What I do know is…this is Jurassic Paque’s Week 6 Popularity Contest.

1. New York Jets – They keep winning tough games against teams we perceive as “good” or “competitive.” Their one loss? The Ravens in week 1. Oddly enough, the Ravens are…

2. Baltimore Ravens – Ray Rice returns to running! If the run game continues to be a force, the pass game will open up and we’ll be raving about Ray Rice’s Ravens revery reek. Somewhere Brian Kuo is proud.

3. New Orleans Saints – Les Saints ont des ennuis.

4. Atlanta Falcons – Bird battle this week should be a great game and might prove the Falcons to be shakers or fakers.

5. Indianapolis Colts – Ok. Totally wrong about the Chiefs game. The Colts didn’t exactly hang one on ‘em. Good to see Garcon back on the field. But apparently Collie is still ailing. Does this year seem especially injury heavy to anyone else? Or is it just my Fantasy roster?

6. Pittsburgh Steelers – Big (Alleged Rapist) Ben is back. Let’s see if this is a help or hindrance. If Colt McCoy and the Browns step in this week and serve an upset special, that would be stupendous.

7. Green Bay Packers – Suspect defense. An inconsistent offense. Coaching concerns. Oh, and a few injuries.

8. New England Patriots – Deon Branch? Really? This feels like when a baseball team trades for an old veteran that played with them for years and now they’re bringing him back at the end of his career so he can retire as one of them. No?

9. Chicago Bears – A crushing loss at the hands of the Giants. Then a win with Todd Collins at the helm. The jury’s still out on Chicago…

10. Houston Texans – This coming week will not tell us anything about the Texans. The only thing we’ll know after their game against the Chiefs is that Houston’s record will still be better than Dallas’.

11. New York Football Giants – Two good weeks strung together? That’s crazy! This week’s theoretical gimme against the Lions could help them keep the train on the tracks. And by train on the tracks I mean Eli not throwing lefty-underhanded lob interceptions in the endzone.

12. San Diego Chargers – What a prolific offense! What a sh*tty record! I feel like the Chargers placed some kind of million dollar bet saying, “I bet we can lose to some of the sh*ittiest teams in the league, start with a losing record and still make the playoffs in the AFC West!”

13. Washington Redskins – Remember what I wrote last week? No? Well, here it is. #16. That. Again.

14. Tennessee Titans – Every team in their division in 3-2. Including the Jacksonville Jaguars. Whom they play this weekend. After this weekend, one of these teams will no longer be 3-2.

15. Philadelphia Eagles – Keko’s back in the saddle and chalkin up wins. Keep Vick on the pine! Wooooooooo! Oh, you’re hosting Atlanta this week? Hmmm…that might be a rough one…

16. Dallas Cowboys – The ‘Boys have one win and four loses. That has them buried at the bottom of their division. Two games behind anyone and everyone.

17. Minnesota Vikings – Can Randy Moss massage Favre’s ailing elbow? If not, that signing was useless. Unless you were picking up Moss so Tavaris Jackson would have another WR to not get the ball to.

18. Miami Dolphins – It’s gonna be tricky for the ‘Fins to make the playoffs with their two divisional loses at home.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I guess technically, they’re still 3-1.

20. Denver Broncos – The Denver Broncos will not be rounding the bend this weekend.

21. Jacksonville Jaguars – I think it’s cute that they’re at the top of their division.

22. Arizona Cardinals – Max Hall > Drew Brees. Totally called that one last week…

23. Kansas City Chiefs – We now return to our regularly scheduled sh*tty KC programming.

24. Cincinnati Bengals – A friend asked me last night, “Hey, the T. Ocho show is on. Wanna watch that?” My response was, “I would love to not watch it. If you want to flip to it and see what’s going on, I won’t stop you. But I could live very happily never having seen a second of it.”

25. Detroit Lions – MONSTER WIN! Next.

26. St. Louis Rams – MONSTER LOSS! Next.

27. Oakland Raiders – MONSTER, just kidding. That game last week was confusing. I’m quite sure Oakland isn’t any good. Unfortunately, we won’t have any idea if I’m right or not after their game this week against the 49ers.

28. Cleveland Browns – Colt McCoy! I am rooting hard for you this week, Colt.

29. San Francisco 49ers – That game against the Eagles was exciting on no less than four levels. Unless you were a 49ers fan that is. If Smith had fallen apart when everyone at Candlestick started booing, then you could have said, “Ok! He sucks! Get him outta here!” But he didn’t! He played well in the face of embarrassment and adversity. So the 49ers are actually worse off. Because they’re still spinning their wheels and have no idea what they’ve got for a QB or team.

30. Seattle Seahawks – Without Deon Branch what will this team do! Oh. That’s right. No one cares.

31. Carolina Panthers – Back to Moore? Is Kordell Stewart available on waivers?

32. Buffalo Bills – Ryan Fitzpatrick was a suggested pick-up on my Fantasy Football waiver wire this week. That’s about all I’ve got. I mean, I sure as hell won’t be picking him up. And I’d bet my life savings that no one else will either. Sorry Buffalo, but that’s the closest thing I’ve got to good news for you; your quarterback was suggested to me by an automated website where people play pretend football for pretend points and there’s no way anyone’s touching him.