2010 NFL Popularity Contest: Week 5

Without further ado…Jurassic Paque’s Slightly Better, Level Headed But Considerably Less PC NFL Popularity Contest.

2010 NFL Popularity Contest: Week 5

1. Kansas City Chiefs – As the only remaining undefeated team, the Kansas Chiefs have proven themselves to be the best team in the NFL and deserving of the top slot in the Popularity Contest. Just kidding!

Now fer real.

1. New Orleans Saints – Just. Can’t. Bring. Self. To move them…

2. New York Jets – Defense and Offense. Who could ask for anything more? Santonio Holmes? OK! You’ve got it. One Santonio Homles, coming up.

3. Green Bay Packers – Dramatically out offense-d by Shaun Hill and the Lions. Still 3-1, (3-2 by my count) but injuries are racking up and it’s only the 4th week.

4. Baltimore Ravens – Clunking along. But leading their division.

5. New England Patriots – That ‘Fins game was troubling to watch. No Randy Moss? No problem…I guess…

6. Houston Texans – Andre Johnson dinged up. Jacoby Jones dinged up. Maybe the Texans should have traded for Moss…

7. Indianapolis Colts – Wow. WOW. That Jags game was…ummmm…noteworthy. Fortunately the Colts have the Kansas City Chiefs coming up this week. So…who knows what the hell will happen. I call a beatdown. Manning upset with the Colts recent struggles lights up a Chiefs team that got a little too big for it’s britches.

8. Atlanta Falcons – Three game winning streak. But only one of those wins came against a real contender. Still…the Falcons have wild card potential and might have a show at the division if the Saints collapse.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers – Big Ben is on his way back! To the bathroom! With a sophmore from PITT! Against her will! Gooooooo STEELERS!

10. Dallas Cowboys – Had an awesome bye-week. I bet. I mean. It’s warm in Dallas. Right?

11. San Diego Chargers – The Chargers, in theory, should be able to dominate their division. In theory.

12. Minnesota Vikings – Moss eh? Well I will say that that is frightening. I feel like the Vikings are the Yankees of the NFC North. Childress was like, “Gosh, we could really a dynamic wide-out.” And the Vikings front office was like “Ok! We’ll buy one! How many do you want? Who? How much!?!? Here! Take it all! Randy Moss!?! Ok! Perfect! Whoa…deja vu….”

13. Chicago Bears – Ahahahahahah! AHAhahahahahahhaha. I could watch clips of Jay Cutler getting dropped on his a$$ alllllllllllllll day.

14. Miami Dolphins – Hmmm. That was a disconcerting loss. Read: Embarrassing.

15. Tennessee Titans – I don’t even have an inkling as to whether or not this team is any good. What about you? Thoughts?

16. Washington Redskins – Yeah, no. This team is not particularly good. But apparently…they’re often just good enough.

17. Denver Broncos – Man, I love The Otro. I hope these guys exceed expectations. They are way under the radar and have some serious issues at RB. PS – Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the Broncos traded Tebow to the Cardinals? That. Would be awesome.

18. New York Football Giants – IF: The Giants can average 18 sacks per game. THEN: I’ll consider them contenders in the NFC.

19. Kansas City Chiefs – 3-0! 3-0! Still! Still! Mark my words. IND 41 – KC 13.

20. Philadelphia Eagles – KeKo is back! And so are the Eagles in my Popularity contest!

21. Cincinnati Bengals – Just couldn’t contain Seneca Wallace. Get thee to the UFL! The
Bengals had an 8 game win streak against the teams in their division. And had it snapped by the Browns. Not the Ravens or the Steelers. The Browns.

22. St. Louis Rams – They’re like…almost a real football team!

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I’m sooooo tired of even trying to think of something to write for them.

24. Jacksonville Jaguars – Their win over the Peytons says more about the Colts issues than the Jags strengths. Prepare for 8-8.

25. Arizona Cardinals – This team is leading their division, with -60 net points.

26. Cleveland Browns – Gooooo Seneca! What a game. Believe-you-me, the battle for Ohio was intense. At least that’s what someone told me.

27. Detroit Lions – I feel like the Lions should get half wins for close games. They’d like, almost have a win by now.

28. Oakland Raiders – Did they play last week? I just checked the schedule. I guess they did. I see that it was a semi-close one against the Texans. Was that a good game?

29. San Francisco 49ers – I recall seeing the score of 49ers v. Saints game and thinking, “If the 49ers win this game, the NFL will officially make no sense and I will have lost all faith in it.” Thank goodness that didn’t happen!

30. Seattle Seahawks – AAAaaaagghhhh! Don’t make me write about this division! Don’t! (Weeping). Please…I beg of you…Actually, the Seahawks are 2-0 at home. If they keep that up they could finish 8-8. And that might just be enough to win this division.

31. Carolina Panthers – Don’t they have two great running backs? Where the f*ck are they?

32. Buffalo Bills – I was totally gonna suggest you trade away one of your starting running backs. I was like, “Whoa, Bills. Waaaay too much offense. Trade some of that talent away.”