Giving thanks

Jim Murray, former Los Angeles Times writer, is my inspiration. He has been since my 13th column. And trust me, that column was as unlucky as the number it represented. Jim cleaned my slate. Set me straight. Taught me how to write again.

I never got the chance to thank Jim for everything he did for me. All I can do is write in his honor. So today I’m putting a new twist on a classic.

Jim, on the day before Thanksgiving, I just want to let you know I’m thankful, but …

I’d be more thankful if women’s sports received as much national publicity as men’s sports. Sure, it’s fun to joke when WNBA highlights come on SportsCenter but for every 9-year-old girl that can beat her brother in a game of one-on-one, it’s a dream.

I’ll be more thankful when Gaston quarterback David Carr goes to Fresno State. When it does happen, it’s a good thing Carr wears No. 11. Turns out Fresno State already retired No. 8.

I’d be more thankful if Major League Baseball went to a salary cap and the NFL didn’t go a season without one.

I’ll be more thankful when I can sit down to cover a basketball game. There is nothing quite like the atmosphere of good football, but basketball is, you know, indoors. Where it isn’t 35 degrees and raining.

I’d be more thankful if that 35-degree rain was falling as snow.

I’ll be more thankful when Twitter falls out of popularity. It’s ruining the English language. “LOL! BENGULS LOST! GIMMIE A BRAKE!” That was from a Portland State graduate – a school my children will never attend.

I’d be more thankful if Banks running back Nick Turner didn’t try to decapitate defenders at the end of every run this season. You know Nick, they have families too.

I’ll be more thankful when hockey is relevant again. The Portland Winterhawks are great fun but can anybody name more than two players on the entire team? Actually, can anybody name one player on the team?

I’d be more thankful if side judges stopped throwing flags for holding from across the field and 30 yards away from the play. If the guy in stripes standing right there didn’t throw the flag, chances are there was a reason.

I’ll be more thankful when Oregon State plays in the Rose Bowl. That way Duck fans won’t have to make excuses about why they lost for another 15 years. Right, we know, the Ducks would have won if they didn’t fumble that punt. And Danny O’Neil would have been a first-round pick, to boot.

I’d be more thankful if grandparents cared about HDTV. I’m going to have to watch the Lions-Packers game in standard definition. What’s next, a stove furnace?

I’ll be more thankful when I meet C.C. Barber, better known as Miss Oregon, at a Pacific basketball game this winter. Turns out Barber is related to the two Bartlett brothers on the team.

I’ll be more thankful when Division I athletes start to take as much pride in their academics as Division III athletes. My favorite part of college basketball season is when CBS shows the graphic of the “Scholar Athlete of the Game” who has a 3.8 GPA in Communications. And he never graduates.

I’d be more thankful if my hair stopped falling out. Talk about a catch 22 – I wear a hat to cover the fact that my hair is falling out, but my hair is falling out because I wear a hat.

I’ll be more thankful when I win my annual Thanks-giving day pickup football game tomorrow morning. Hair or no hair.