Black & White

Great win for the Beavers last week. On Friday. Oh, you weren’t there? Too bad.

The Oregon State gymnasts dominated the opposition like a bad S&M video. The shellacking was inevitable and the Arizona women weren’t sure whether they should defend themselves or, as Bob Knight once said, relax and enjoy it. If you are like me and revel in the humiliation, pain and suffering of Beaver opponents then make your way to Gill for a gymnastics meet.

The final score was 196.275-194.050. For a comparative margin of victory see Super Bowl XXIV. It’s a good thing for the Arizona staff that there wasn’t a rope and shower rod handy. I haven’t seen that many disappointed wildcats since PETA picketed outside the Arizona campus waving signs with artwork of disparaged cats.

Then again, I was looking for the shower rod when Tasha Smith was pulled from the beam and floor. So were a few fans who joined in on the “We want Tasha” chant. Watching the floor routines with no Smith, to quote Eminem, is like mustard without the Heinz and Busta without the Rhymes.

But how ‘bout them Beavers? Went into Fridays slaughter ranked 11th in the country came out at number ten thanks to the combined efforts of Jami Lanz, Mandi Rodriguez, Yuki Lamb, Claire Pierce, and the freshman Jen Kessler. Now the women sit only .009 behind Arkansas and the number nine spot. Pig Sooey anyone?

Props to Pierce. She made it back into the line up on happenstance but she isn’t complaining. Tasha Smith was pulled due to stomach issues and Piece was dropped in. A little less than a year ago she was under the knife for knee surgery and Friday, with five minutes of warning, she was thrown into the beam rotation to fill in for Smith and walked away with a 9.725.

Speaking of under the knife, when can someone show up and perform open heart surgery on the men’s basketball team. They are dying. The men lost by a combined 45 points this weekend (one more point than they scored against USC). Even osubeavers.com couldn’t find a good way to showcase the men. Next to the game recap they ran a picture from a past game at UCLA.

With about four minutes to go against UCLA fans started towards the door. With two minutes left in the game Gill Coliseum sounded more like a Gill Mausoleum. Asking Beaver fans to pay for games like that one is highway robbery. How about this, instead of marketing this team as “good” and charging fans to see a “good” team, just follow fans out of their office and car jack them in the parking lot. At least that would be more honest. The only other time I have seen that many disheveled Beaver fans in one place it was on pure-orange.net.

Interim Coach Kevin Mouton can only do so much. Without a Ph.D in astrology or at least a mail-away tarot card degree this team is in for a world of hurt down the stretch.

Marcel Jones doesn’t even look like he is interested in playing. During the game against UCLA there were times when he moved about as fast as an Argon-40 escapes from a Potassium-40 laden rock. He stood in the corner beyond the arc and watched the team play. He looked more like an off-air camera man than a forward.

I hate to quote Carlos Mencia but, MOVE MAN, MOVE! It’s called running an offense for a reason. You are supposed to run. Don’t quote me, but if you were to move around you might end up better than 1-17 from the floor over the course of a weekend. Lollygagging, meandering and playing patty-cake with the defenders, a-la Sasa Cuic, isn’t part of the game plan.

Seth Tarver runs. Lathen Wallace runs. Even the slimmed down Calvin Hampton runs. Jones? Well, he pre-Madonna’s the game and stands waiting for a pass only to take his man one-on-one and miss. But, with this kind of play, he’ll be an NBA star.