If there is one thing I know how to do, it’s piss off a large group of people. Being a runner does that to a person. The hours of running alone gives you too much time to think about ways to mess with people’s heads. But I know a lot of people out there that don’t have hours of alone time to take off on a run, yet, they still have the desire to upset the masses.
I’m here to help. Want to piss off a large group of people? Screw religion and politics. Who cares about foreign policy anyway? Hell, even the discussion about sex and abstinence doesn’t come close. Besides, sex is cool. If you really want to upset people, just go and ask them, what defines a sport? And before they can answer give them your own definition and cite examples of games that are sports and not sports.
You: “Hey guys, what do you think sport is?”
Someone else: “Well—“
You: “I think sport is anything that involves a ball, like basketball, baseball, lacrosse.”
Trust me, all it takes is one sentence or even just a few words—it will spell disaster. Then sit back and watch faces turn red, eyes widen, and voices rise. For an added effect, remain silent for the rest of the conversation. It will most likely open up Pandora’s Box.
For example, last week I wrote as a passing thought that gymnastics wasn’t a sport. Immediately people jumped to conclusions and got upset. They thought I was sexist. They thought that because gymnastics is predominately women in college, saying it is not a sport must be linked to that fact.
It’s true, I’m a misogynist woman basher which is why I love LaVonda Wagner, call play-by-play for volleyball, women’s basketball, and softball and, oh yeah, drove 13 hours each way to Salt Lake City to cover the National Gymnastics Competition.
Let me just say for the record, I still think Gymnastics is a sport. Although, I think any event where competitors don’t go head-to-head and it’s scored solely by a judge isn’t a sport. Gymnastics holds on to the sport category for a laundry list of reasons topped by the physical demands put on the athletes year round.
So what is sport?
Well, for one thing, it’snot cheerleading, diving, figure skating, aerial skiing, half-pipe anything, most of the X-games, or the long list of other athletic spectacles that use a judge.
I rule out judges for the reason of logic. Logically thinking a judges can’t be 100 percent unbiased? And sport is unbiased. That’s why people say when players in a pick-up basketball game are trying to decide who’s ball it is by shooting a three-pointer they say “the ball doesn’t lie” because it can’t. It’s a ball.
Judges tarnish the “fair” aspect with personal bias. Look at the national gymnastics competition just a few weeks ago. Tasha Smith is better than most of the gymnasts that made it to finals on the floor routine, but her chance to show the world was taken away because a judge. I’ve never seen an Olympics where someone wasn’t complaining about some judge with bias and that’s the reason they didn’t win.
So what is sport?
Sport is an athletic competition that involves reacting to the opposition on a balanced playing field where each player/team is crowned champion. Sport is about finding and exposing weaknesses in an attempt to gain an edge. Sport is about the players determining the champion–not a judge or scorer. Oh, and you need officials/referees to enforce the rules, too.
The proof is in the pudding people
When was the last time you saw “players” in figure skating trying to out-do each other on the fly? I just can’t see Brian Boitano saying “Oh, the French just did a double lutz, screw them, I’m going to do a triple lutz!” It would never happen. The routines are pre-scripted. They have performed the same routine over and over and over again. Even the announcers know what is coming.
That’s not competing. That’s just practicing with judges. If I wanted to watch a pre-scripted routine played out between two people I’d watch reality television. Sport is football, basketball, track, cross country and cycle-cross, even cricket because they all involve the players determining the champion, a reaction to the opposition, and exposing the oppositions weaknesses.
No, but really, what is sport? I’m listening, I swear.
Enjoy that argument. Try this one.