There were a lot of pertinent things I could write about this week. Oregon State Football’s bowl game against
Instead, I need to enlighten all of you to something far more important. A life lesson, really. Most people know physics well enough to know that for every action there is a reaction.
It’s more than a law of physics; it’s a law of economics or even life. Whether it is people’s response to gas prices, watering a dying plant, or in this case—sports research, for every action there will be a response. Only, under this particular circumstance it has a double meaning (see if you can find it).
Last week I read about a study that was conducted from the 1988-1989 NCAA sports year up until the 2003-2004 NCAA sports year for schools around the country in Division I, II and III. These schools have been sending injury information to the National Athletic Trainers Association (NATA) to tally. That information includes how athletes get hurt and what they hurt.
The information might have looked something like: What did the QB hurt? How did he hurt it? When the gymnast tore her ACL, did she fall off the beam by herself or was she pushed? Hell, with that type of reporting they could be journalist for a college newspaper!
The NCAA and the NATA have been recording these injuries and how they happened in this 15 year long study.
The best part is, this study came out recently in the Journal of Athletic Training, Volume 42, Number 2. And after 15 years they made an impeccable discovery. This very reputable journal with their numerous researchers–with PhD’s no less—made a breakthrough. I recommend everyone that is reading this to go out and find the study online. It blew me away. I literally got up out of my chair and said to myself, “No way!”
They found that contact is a common cause of injury in NCAA sports.
Randall Dick, one of the authors, said to Deanna Martin of the AP, “They’re not falling down and getting these concussions.”
It’s times like this when I don’t even know where to start.
First off, no kidding. Second off, no kidding. Third off, who funded this study?
Pardon the sarcasm but this might be the most duh-factor finding in the history of life. Even the marketing guru’s over at Hyundai are befuddled. When someone is hit, it hurts and sometimes it’s even enough to warrant it being called an injury. Other similar findings in the last millennia include: trees are the common cause of shade in their immediate vicinity, airplanes are the common cause of commercial air travel of people with plane tickets and soccer fans are the common cause of pointless rioting after a tie-game.
Did it really take 15 years and who knows how many dollars to figure this out? Can’t we help AIDS victims, find a cure for cancer or at least buy the homeless a warm meal?
I could have told you this even without a research grant and 15 years. No, Joe Paterno did not fall over and have a broken leg because his leg spontaneously combusted. No, Tyler Hansbrough’s nose did not explode because he tried to make a lay-up. And no, regardless of what you think, Willis McGahee’s leg did not just fold backwards by itself.
Just like Eric Cartman, I’m seriously you guys, who funded this study? My mother used to tell me not to leave lights on around the house because it was a waste of money, but this takes the cake. Who was the person that saw this idea on their desk and said “Hey, that sounds like a good idea” and stamped the approval?
I would like to walk up to him or her and shake hands with a proposal. My idea for a study, “What is the common cause of winning in sports?” Who knows maybe I’ll get a grand or two to find out. I’ve even got a lead on the research; I think it has something to do with scoring more points than the opposition.
So what’s the double meaning? It’s obvious.
There were more pertinent topics to cover this week but I didn’t. Why? Because just like Math and bisexuals—life goes both ways. If A is equal to B then B is equal to A. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every study that prints an article where the answer is painfully obvious, I’m going to write an article that points out that it’s painfully obvious.
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