1. An Oregon State graduate donated the OS logo to the university and Bobby D. is really using the money to find a way to get rid of that god-awful football in front of Reser Stadium.
2. Darwin Barney’s trademark rosin bag has turned up on eBay and is currently selling for $300 because the dry sweat from his hands is used to make a hallucinogenic drug. This explains why giving Barney a high five feels so good.
3. Students are revolting against the new OS logo by purchasing shirts with SO printed on the shirts instead. Currently Southern Oregon University is also devising a way drop the “university” from their name to grab the “pissed-off OSU student” demographic.
4. Keegan Fitzgerald on the gymnastics team wants to date me.
5. Volleyball Coach Taras Liskevych has a resume that is seven pages long and features a Ph.D. from Ohio State in kicking ass and a masters from George Williams College in taking names.
6. If you say “Mike Parker” into a mirror three times, the man himself will appear out of thin air and scream, “Graham is under it, AND THE BEAVERS ARE THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!”
7. Mike Riley talks in the third person and in past tense to trick the opposing teams.
8. C.J. Giles doesn’t like birds, and he refuses to wear red and blue.
9. Ashley Wood of the girl’s soccer team works nights for a 1-800 line and goes by the alias “Woody.”
10. Pat Casey hired Yogi Berra to come in and give the baseball team some motivation at the beginning of the season. He reminded the players that it’s 90 percent mental, the other half is physical and a win is a win, unless you lose.
11. LaVonda Wagner was approached by Disney to replace Michael Jordan in the upcoming movie Space Jam 2. North Carolina fans everywhere were outraged that a former Dukie beat former Tar Heel – again.
12. Brandon Hughes told the hosts of Shadawordisyea on KBVR that he spends every night playing as himself on NCAA 2007. He only plays one game against Louisville and every night records 50 interceptions using only the Sky coverage.
13. Kyle Jeffers is graduating with three degrees because he wants to pick up the slack for Sasa Cuic and Wes Washington.
14. Brianne McGowan was caught rubbing a creamy, clear substance on her throwing arm after her last shutout. After investigation, it was found to be EIH. That’s right – Extreme Icy Hot.
15. Students who can’t get tickets to the baseball games are so desperate to catch a game they are willing to do anything, including ghostriding their Volvos.
16. In order to attain All-Academic Team status, many of the women’s swim team members had their text books laminated with floaties to study for class while practicing.
17. KBVR started calling play-by-play for Beaver athletics in October of last year. The Beavers are undefeated in games KBVR attends, winning games by a combined 20 points – even in gymnastics
18. Sports Information has a countdown on its calendar until the day I graduate.
19. There is no cheerleading in spring because the team takes time off to recuperate after two long seasons of yelling, flipping, waving pom-poms and being oogled by alumni.
20. The OSU marching band is currently working on new songs to learn for the football season. You can vote on the songs you want at www.dailybarometer.com.
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