If seeing is believing, I can say with conviction I am a believer. Because not only have I seen Jodie Taylor dominate on the soccer field, but I have heard the crowds cheer her name and even inhaled the ripe smell of victory emanating from Taylor after a two-goal, one-assist performance. She is just plain amazing.
Props to England: First you find North America, then you give us “Original Pirate Material” by The Streets, and now you drop Jodie Taylor onto the scene. Taylor is Oregon State’s own version of Thierry Henry. She is fast, agile, great on the ball, a shooter in every sense of the word and a great dancer. She is the best thing to happen to the Macarena since those two guys in suits started shouting Spanish to a confused, yet entertained, American public.
And much like those two guys from Los Del Rio, Taylor is famous for confusion and entertainment. She confuses defenders and entertains crowds. She has put together astounding freshman and sophomore campaigns, and as the new soccer season begins I can’t help but look forward to things this year.
In the last two seasons Taylor has managed to play in all 37 games. During that time she racked up 25 goals and eight assists, which gives her 58 points in soccer (two points per goal, one per assist). To put it in football terms, that would be like Mike Hass scoring 30 touchdowns in his last two seasons – and kicking the extra points. Taylor is responsible for 25 of the 49 goals and 58 of the 141 total team points in the last two seasons. In essence, Taylor scored half of the goals and was responsible for 40 percent of the total points. Mike Hass isn’t the only one who deserves his own anthem.
During the game Taylor hunts down the soccer ball like students hunt down free … well, anything. I know my heart starts pumping every time she flies past the stands and up the sideline after a ball. She outruns one defender, flips the ball inside past another, then rockets the ball into the back of the net. To Taylor, the goal might as well be a mile-wide. Goalies barely stand a chance. Statistics prove it; she has a 51.7 percent chance that if she gets a shot on goal, she will make it. That’s when she is going to bust out the Macarena – Chad Johnson style.
Part of me wants to teach her the “Chicken Noodle Soup” dance that is blowing through Harlem right now. The best part would be after blowing a kick by a diving goalie, she could sing the line “Chick-Chicken Noodle soup, with the goalie on her side.”
Don’t like soccer? Hate the no hands rule? Don’t understand why each time there is a collision one player gets up with an extreme limp, is taken off the field to return after five minutes completely fine?
A month ago, I would have answered yes to all of those questions. But now I can’t get enough of it. Do I understand defenses? No. Do I understand the lingo? No. Do I understand anything soccer related? Barely.
But I can tell you what I do understand, excellent athleticism. That’s what Taylor brings to the table, the ability to make plays and score goals.
I would tell you how many goals and assists Taylor as racked up so far this season, but it would be pointless. By the time you read this she will already have scored another few times and handed out a few more assists. She is like Bo Jackson in the late 80’s, Michael Jordan in the mid 90’s, and Tiger Woods since he picked up his first golf club. You can’t stop her, you can only hope to contain her.
Missing out on the opportunity to see a great talent like Taylor would be a mistake. And trust me, I know something about making mistakes. So if you can’t stand soccer, at least come for the dancing. Because Jodie Taylor is a double threat, she can kill you on the field and on the dance floor, which for her happens to be located just outside the 18-yard box.
Leave a Reply